How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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