Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
