weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
