I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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