I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
