He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
