yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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