It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
what day is it and did you see me today?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
