So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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