i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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