'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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