well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
