I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
