i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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