you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
