Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
