there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
