we made out on top of his cat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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