He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
