I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
