he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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