please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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