Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
