I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
