my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
