K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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