Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize