Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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