we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
