I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
