This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
