My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
