My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
