Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
