The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
