My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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