somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
