Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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