you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
