I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
