I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
