Sry I called you an 8
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
