i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
