im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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