Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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