I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
