so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
