whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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