I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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