he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
