Plan B is the new Plan A
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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