DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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