Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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