Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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