Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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