I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When are your genitals available?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
