Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
