i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
