Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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