I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
