I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
