He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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